Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
a search helicopter?!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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