Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
