shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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