What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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