why didn't you poke me back
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
