..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Can I color on your dick again?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
