I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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