I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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