Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
