I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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