Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
someone owes me an orgasm
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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