and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize