he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My balls are so social today.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
