hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
