did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
