even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
