so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
