My boss' voice literally gives me gas
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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