did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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