my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
