Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
cat food counts as protein by the way
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
