woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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