My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
