you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
