i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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