went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
