Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
