I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
