I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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