the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
