It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
