The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize