his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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