the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
