Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am midnight drunk by noon
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
