ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
