I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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