she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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