Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize