There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
