About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
