I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize