but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
