He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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