Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
