chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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