I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
