Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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