Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize