whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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