I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize