You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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