My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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