Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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