Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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