glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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