Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
