It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize