Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
