The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
