Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
