When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize