So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
