I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
