if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
