Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My pussy is not your playground.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
