Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
and you fell through a lawn chair
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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