the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
