Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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