I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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