And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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