: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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