Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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