I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
