Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Rumble strips road head = magical
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
