youre lurking in front of me
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
